The fourth step to Peace of Mind Parenting is enhancing communications skills. This is the heart and soul of the 7 steps. Improved communication skills will positively affect your ability to listen, be heard, understand and be understood. Your message will be clear, concise and caring. All of your relationships will benefit from enhanced communication skills. The following seven tips will get you started…
1. Be aware of the 55/38/7 rule.
- 55% of communication is body language or non‐verbal cues. Master them.
- 38% of communication stems from the tone of your voice. What a teen perceives as “yelling” may be less about the volume of your voice and more about the ego‐attacking tone.
- 7% of communication is the actual words we speak.
2. Listen, listen, listen.
Listening through your heart and soul is preferred to listening through your head, where the interrupting “chatter” of your brain inhibits genuine listening. If you are too busy formulating a response, you cannot focus on understanding the other person’s perspective or offering compassion and empathy.
3. Less is more.
Surprise your teen by saying 50% less than what you would normally say. This will bring clarity to your thoughts and ensure less repeating and increased listening from your teen.
4. Avoid button pushing.
A true sign of a loving parent is the ability to say “NO,” but be aware of cunning attempts to get you to change your mind. Differentiate between negotiation and manipulation and be prepared to minimize discussion with an arsenal of quick responses if needed.
5. Open the doors of communication.
Begin questions with “What, How, When, and Where” and steer clear from “Why” or questions that can be answered with “Yes or No.” The latter are conversation stoppers. You will notice a big difference in the quality of communication with just this one tip.
6. Be clear.
Lack of clarity can easily defray communication. To minimize hurt feelings and increase trust, try to listen and then repeat back the point of what is being said. “I heard you say,” or “What I thought you said,” are two great examples of clarifying statement openers.
7. Use “I feel” statements.
“I feel” statements (e.g., “I feel ____ when you ____.”) are assertive without placing blame. Further, owning your feeling brings clarity of thought.
As your coach, I’ll introduce you to helpful tools like developing a list of positive, assertive words to have handy.
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