The sixth step to Peace of Mind Parenting is empowering parents to be consistent, creative disciplinarians. Meeting your teen mono e mono with creativity, charm and humor can energize you! Your teen may be clever, but experience and skill are on YOUR side! The following seven tips will get you started…
1. Set rules, guidelines, expectations and boundaries.
Setting rules, guidelines, expectations and boundaries brings security to the relationship. Secretly, your teen wants you to be the parent. It is a difficult job, but let your values and beliefs guide you and try to look at each situation independently before deciding on the final consequence.
2. Be consistent.
Staying consistent is one of the biggest challenges in parenting. If you follow through with what you say, your teen will learn that you mean what you say.
3. Remember the “Three Times” rule.
Teens will often ask three times for the same thing, hoping that you’ll say “yes” just out of frustration, convenience or to make the questioning stop! Expect it and develop a consequence for this irritating behavior to defray the persistence.
4. Know your parenting style.
It is normal for each parent to have his/her own style, but it is necessary to get on the same page, or your teen will see the window of opportunity and take advantage of it. There are four parenting styles. (See archived Your Parent Partner Newsletters to find out YOUR style.) Being a kind and firm parent is the optimal style.
5. Negotiate behavior plans.
Work together as a family on a behavior plan: expectations, rules, and limits. That way your teen will know in advance what to expect if the plan is followed.
6. Develop creative consequences.
The key is crafting a consequence that suits the behavior (e.g., missed curfew = evening restriction next weekend). However, not all behaviors can be predicted ahead of time, so reserve the right to re‐group and think of a consequence to be announced later. Have fun!
7. Use common sense.
Give your teen a chance to explain. Treat each situation independently. Collaborate with your spouse or a friend, if needed. Pick your course of action, reserve your right to explain your decision and then stick with it. Pick your battles and don’t try to “go to the mat” on every issue.
This is my favorite step, and as your coach, I will empower you with tools and tips that I’ve used and that really work! There are FREE tools, such as examples of behavior contracts for curfew, homework, chores, driving, sex, drugs and alcohol on my website: www.yourparentpartner.com.
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