Words of Wisdom

My favorite resource is Deepak Chopra’s Words of Wisdom

I had the honor and pleasure of attending two Deepak Chopra senimars. The crown jewel from each retreat was finding an awareness of our self talk.

We expend enormous amounts of energy using blaming/victim words. We don’t even realize it, but these words are hurtful and damaging to our psyche. With just a simple word adjustment, we can escape being a victim and express ourselves with healthier assertive words.

The  NON BLAMING/positive  words are descriptive emotional feelings. They steer you away from the finder pointing blaming game. Try using this list for the next week; experience the difference it makes when you use your words wisely.

Feeling Unappreciated: A True Story

I was feeling angry at work- unappreciated. I shared my feelings with my boss.  Her response was, ” blowing air up people’s skirts was not her style”. When she felt someone did an extra special job, she awarded them with compliments. You know what? That made sense to me. She was being true to herself.

After looking at the Blaming list I discovered that I was putting myself in a victim role.  I was not appreciating myself. (another one of my AH HA moments). The next day I gave my boss a plant as a peace treaty and a thank you for the awareness. She complimented me by saying,”you are one of the most honest people I know”. That was a powerful moment! I learned a lot from Patty.

It was easy to change my mindset by using the NON Blaming word list. Notice that the positive list is longer than the negative one? Giving myself pats on the back became easy. I still notice the words I choose and quickly turn away from being in the victim role.

Here is the list. Keep it handy.

POSITIVE Words to use to (NOT Blaming)

Afraid , Anxious , Bitter , Blah, Chagrined,  Confused,  Detached, Discouraged, Embarrassed, Empty, Frightened Frustrated, Gloomy, Guilty, Irritable, Invisible, Jealous, Jittery, Lonely, Lost, Miserable, Meaningless, Nauseated, Nervous, Overwhelmed, Panicky, Pessimistic, Resentful, Restless, Skeptical, Sorry, Terrified, Tired , Uneasy, Unhappy, Vexed, Withdrawn

Negative Blaming /Victim Words (YIKES!!)

Abandoned, Abused, Attached, Betrayed, Bullied, Cheated, Coerced, Distrusted, Interrupted, Intimidated, Let Down, Manipulated, Misunderstood, Neglected, Overworked, Patronized Pressured, Prodded, Taken for Granted, Threatened, Under Appreciated, Unheard, Unseen, Unsupported, Unwanted, Used

Letting off Steam

Let’s talk about positive ways of letting off steam

Anger Management is one of the healthiest coping skills around. From time to time we lose it. A calculated dose of letting it out is OK. Finding positive outlets is the key to overcoming our “not so pretty side.”

The problem is when anger is a life style choice. I grew up thinking yelling was the communication norm. Who knew that yelling is one of the most harmful and dysfunctional ways of expressing feelings? My whole family, friends and neighbors yelled. We were a loud bunch. See the article, “Because I SAID SO” in the Communications section for ways to curb this bad habit.

Bullying and rage is also an unacceptable  anger style. Don’t even get me started. Just read the articles on Bullying in the Parenting Tips section.

Awareness is the key

Take a step back and evaluate what feelings you are having when the inner gremlins rear their ugly heads. Being angry is not the problem. Not being aware of anger IS the problem. Knowing that you are angry at someone or something is the first step. The real work begins when you know how you FEEL when you are angry. See if there is a pattern.  You may have a recurring issue of theme. Be aware of it and deal with it. Identifying inner issues can help you make necessary adjustments. This is not for the weak willed. This process can be painful, but, in the long run you will be set free.

Read Blaming and Non blaming words from Deepak Chopra in the Coping Skills section to see if you are assuming a victim role. Being a victim causes anger. Just using healthier word choices can turn your thinking around

Try these anger buster approaches to release some steam

Take several deep breaths. Inhale from your belly on the count of 4. Exhale of the count of 8. Do this several times. The quick results are amazing.

Take a walk or exercise. Get away from the situation. There is nothing like slamming a ball around or working up an endorphin high to take the edge off. Admittedly, I have also used a punching bag with someones face on it.

Scream. Find a place  where nobody can hear you. Let loose! However, remember what I said about yelling or screaming AT someone.

Vent to a friend. Chances are, they are going through the same thing. I cannot tell you the countless times my friends have said, “what a relief, I feel the same way too”.

Take a time out. Allow yourself to find a quiet place and politely tell your family to “back off”. You may remind them about times when they  need “alone time”. Ask them to honor your time. They might be relieved that you excused yourself too.

Journal. Go ahead let those harsh feelings flow. Purge your inner hurt and feel the freedom of your awareness. NOTE:  Hide  your journal and read it in a few days. See if you are still feeling the same way. Throw it away, or, burn it to release your anger.

Use Humor to deflect a situation. When you have lost your sense of humor…watch out! I had my kids mirror my angry behavior which was so ridiculous, it was funny. You need a healthy self image for that one.

Try several of these methods out. Have fun discovering which outlet is your favorite.

It is time to get REAL!

Let’s be REAL!

One of my favorite ah ha moments comes from Deb Ford’s book: The Dark Side of the Light Chasers: I highly recommend this book! (Cut and paste this URL)

http://www.amazon.com/Dark-Side-Light-Chasers-Reclaiming/dp/1573227358

She states that you cannot put ice cream on a pile of dog poop and expect it to taste good.

Similarly, when making affirmations or positive self talk, I am not suggesting unrealistic statements like: “I can sprout wings and jump off a cliff”

There are sensible ways to cope.

I have been there…I get it! If you have read my bio, you will know that I have been around the block more than once; in fact, at times, it seemed as if sometimes I was a hamster on a wheel! By the way, it gets better when you are an empty nester; things CALM down

After a long day at work, scurrying around to get everyone where they need to be, managing a household, running errands…whew…it is enough to make you snap! We are all human. We do get angry from time to time, it is normal. However, being aware of what is making us angry can bring awareness to dealing with your emotions so that you can make an attitude adjustment.

Give yourself a break

Remember these tips when you feel your blood rising, a burst of anger is making your neck veins burst, or your mouth is ready to spew pea green soup. Take some time to yourself! Adjust yourself, regroup, and rely on your coping skills.

Assertiveness come in handy. Assertiveness can help you to communicate your feelings in a positive way so that they can be heard. Use: “I feel_______ when you________” or, reverse the order. When you own your feelings, nobody can take them from you. For more information, read: “Communication:I Feel” in the Communication section.

Affirmations can snap you out of negativity and give yourself  a “V8” of renewed energy. For effective uses of affirmations, read any of (4) article about affirmations in the Coping Skills section.
Tone of voice: 38% of communication is interpreted by our tone. The old adage, “it’s not what you say, it is how you say it”. Those quotes from Mom come in handy.

Healthy anger management is a great solution to pent up frustration. Be a  model of a  safe anger style. Others may be watching and benefit from your self control. See the article on Anger Management in the Coping Skills section.

My favorite solution to getting real is coaching!

I can’t say enough about the benefits of coaching as an avenue to problem solving. I offer two types of coaching to best suit your needs. Both types of coaching provide accountability, listening and a moving forward attitude.

1:1 private coaching provides confidential and deep insights that will enhance your parenting skills.

Group coaching is fun, supportive, shares wisdom, and has an energy that blows the top off the roof.  I have seen many lasting friendship develop through group coaching.

Call to arrange a get acquainted call. I am looking forward to getting real with you!

Remember your Affirmations!

My Commitment to you

One of my values for 7 Steps to Peace of Mind is brevity. It gives you a quick chance to read and truly soak in articles at your own pace. As part of my “one stop parenting stop” philosophy, you can find additional coping skill tips on this website. Go to the home page, click on 7 Steps, developing coping skills and you will find simple ways to re‐energize and renew yourself each day.

Another value is to provide expert advice and resources.

In searching the best ways to craft an affirmation, I found a wonderful article to share with you. I encourage you to also visit Lisa Runningbear’s website: Getting into the Zen; Simple strategies for happier living. Enjoy

5 Simple Steps to Crafting Your Own Powerful Affirmations
by LISA H. (RUNNINGBEAR) on AUGUST 23, 2010

http://gettingtozen.com/2010/08/5-ways-to-craft-your-own-powerful-affirmations/

Cut and paste her URL> and her article will pop up. Enjoy!

Other articles in the affirmations series include:

“Believe”-and, you will see! Explaining why affirmations are so effective

“ I am Who I AM”-  Creating strategies for practicing powerful affirmations.

“Speak to Me” -Famous quotes and examples to guide you

Purpose of Your Parent Partner

This website provides you incredible FREE information. Why? Because the key to enhanced parenting style is how YOU implement this information! HOW are you going to make these steps fit into your life? If you do not practice what you have learned, why read the articles? In order to create positive behavior changes that will enhance your parenting style enroll in a Your Parent Partner coaching session today!!

I AM Who I AM

What a powerful message to send yourself everyday.  It is amazing to see how 7 simple words can make such a profound impact on your life. Positive self talk helps you to develop a positive attitude toward life and is essential to good health.  What you think about you bring about. Meaning, you become your thoughts, so think positive ones. When you say a positive affirmation over and over again, you are telling yourself that you can achieve anything. You become the belief. Beliefs become actions. Actions become love. Loving yourself unconditionally is the key to giving unconditional love to others. Otherwise, how can we expect love that we cannot give? Here are some great tips for you to increase the power of your love.

Change your negative thoughts into positive thoughts

Change your negative thoughts into positive thoughts by noticing your  positive qualities and strengths. I encourage you to find a saying that “speaks” to you. For examples, see the articles”Believe” and “Speak to Me” in the coping  skills section. Post your affirmation in places that you will remind you to practice  through out the day.

Daily Reminders help reinforce your goals

Post your affirmation on a mirror
Hang your words on the refrigerator
Use your car visor
Use a label and put your saying on a water bottle
Use a sticky note on your computer or work space
Your clock is a good place

You get the idea…think of some on your own.

Affirmation resources for parents:

CDs: Download them and listen in the car, while you are exercising, doing housework, getting ready in the morning, etc

The Soul of Healing Affirmations A-Z Guide to Reprogramming the Software of the Soul eepak Chopra

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Affirmations-Guide-Reprogramming-Software/dp/B0012SAT7S   (Cut and paste URL)

You Tube/Visual: This provides a peaceful vision of your affirmation, you can feel it working. You Tube is a wonderful source.

You Tube: Law of Attraction Daily Videos: (cut and paste URL)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzhtE-PkSA8

Books: Great stress relievers because you are to calming your mind and being in the present

Daily Affirmations for Parents: How to Nurture Your Children and Renew Yourself During the Ups and Downs of Parenthood :Tian Dayton Ph.D.

http://www.amazon.com/Daily-Affirmations-Parents-Children-Parenthood/dp/1558741518

One of my values of the 7 Steps to Peace of Mind include brevity. I have written a series of articles to keep the short and sweet in order to maximize their impact. Other articles include:

“Believe”-and, you will see! Explains why affirmations are so effective

“Speak to Me” -famous quotes and examples to guide you

“Making Affirmations Work for YOU”-how to craft your personal message

Peace of Mind Parenting. These pearls of wisdom will motivate and energize you. Enjoy!!

The purpose of Your Parent Partner

This website provides you incredible FREE information. Why? Because the key to enhanced parenting style is HOW YOU implement this information! HOW are you going to make these steps fit into your life? If you do not practice what you have learned, why read the articles? In order to create positive behavior changes that will enhance your parenting style enroll in a Your Parent Partner coaching session today!!

Speak to Me

Choosing affirmations that speak to you

Focusing on famous quotes and examples are great ways to begin using affirmations. These pearls of wisdom are in line with the values of 7 Steps to Peace of Mind Parenting. They are specially designed to motivate and energize you. Enjoy!

The 10 most famous quotes about affirmations

“You become what you think about most of the time.” – Brian Tracy

“Every action and feeling is preceded by a thought.” – James Allen

“The ancestor of every action is a thought.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” – Proverbs 23:7

“Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.” – Albert Einstein

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill

“You can do it if you believe you can.” – Napoleon Hill

“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. Once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” – Claude M. Bristol

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

” First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” – Epictetus

“Speaking” to you: Select your favorite affirmation

I live what I believe and practice my values

I am careful to understand others, so I clarify what is being said

I am interested in making myself and others happy

I practice patience and experience peace

I speak my truth, I am honest without hurting feelings

I respect my boundaries and express my needs

I express my needs by negotiating, compromising and discussing

I set goals and take action to my dreams come true

I believe in myself and can visualize achieving my goals

I make good choices

I see the best in difficult situations

I have the power to change myself

It is enough to have done my best

I ask for help

My daily affirmation is: “I use my words wisely”

The results have been fabulous! It is amazing how much I have bitten my tongue, stayed silent, or used a better filter in communicating feelings. I encourage you to craft ones that fit your specific needs. Peter F. Drucker wrote:
“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”

This is the third article in a series dedicated to affirmations.

Other articles include:

“Believe-and, you will see!”-Explaining why affirmations are so effective

“ I am Who I AM”- Creating strategies for practicing powerful affirmations.

“Making Affirmations Work for YOU”-Crafting your personal message

The purpose of Your Parent Partner

This website provides you incredible FREE information. Why? Because the key to enhanced parenting style is HOW YOU implement this information! HOW are you going to make these steps fit into your life? If you do not practice what you have learned, why read the articles? In order to create positive behavior changes that will enhance your parenting style enroll in a Your Parent Partner coaching session today!!

I BELIEVE!!

Positive Affirmations can manifest your dreams

An affirmation is a positive statement that you make about yourself. By creating  specific, clear statements  you will  manifest what you desire.  Our outside world is a reflection of out internal programming. Emotions, clarity and feelings are the key ingredients to creating effective affirmations that will enhance your life.

Say affirmations often, BELIEVE that it’s already done

Let go of the inner gremlins that have been sabotaging you. Adopt powerful success techniques to bring you what you want. It is up to you to take daily action to move toward what you want.

Examples of affirmations for parents

.  I have great relationship with my kids
I respect their choices and opinions
I see the best in my kids
I enjoy being a parent
I am great role model for my kids
I have loving, respectful and understanding relationship with my kids
I am blessed with my kids
I communicate in loving and positive way
I accept and appreciate my kids as they are
I know that my kids learn from my behavior and I do my best

Examples of affirmations about your kids:

• My kids are healthy, smart and responsible
• My kids are creative and wise
• My kids are safe and protected
• They have unlimited ability to create the good in their life
• My kids have wonderful gifts and talents
• They have positive attitude about themselves and others
• My kids are helpful and grateful
• My kids enjoy their life
• My kids are great friends and they love to help others

Affirmations for life

I choose my words wisely
I love and accept myself for who I am
Every day is filled with joy, fun and happiness
I feel love, harmony and perfect balance
Life is good
I am healthy and strong

Additional affirmations articles

One of my values of the 7 Steps to Peace of Mind include brevity. I have written a series of articles to keep them short and sweet in order to maximize their impact. Other articles include:

“ I Am Who I AM”- Creating strategies for practicing powerful affirmations.

“Speak to Me” -Famous quotes and examples to guide you

“Making Affirmations Work for YOU”-How to craft your personal message

The purpose of Your Parent Partner

This website provides you incredible FREE information. Why? Because the key to enhanced parenting style is HOW YOU implement this information! HOW are you going to make these steps fit into your life? If you do not practice what you have learned, why read the articles? In order to create positive behavior changes that will enhance your parenting style enroll in a Your Parent Partner coaching session today!!

Free Get Acquainted coaching calls are provided. 317-297-7650

As YOUR Parent Partner, I send my highest and best on your parenting journey!

Let's Make Some Changes

For a Peace and Harmony in the Family- Behavior Contracts are a Must!

Behavior contracts set the tone for the family. These plans make rules and  guidelines clear for ALL family members.  With contracts, all the “guess work” is out. Nobody has to say, “Well, I didn’t know”, “You didn’t tell me”, “I figured it would be OK”, etc. Everyone can be confident about what is expected because it is all written out and agreed upon by all parties. Open communication, negitiatiating  and comprise are the keys to crafting an agreement. These plans foster trust, honesty, understanding and respect.

I cannot say it enough- start early and reinforce often!!  If you begin in the Middle School years,  teens will be able to  practice adhering  to your family rules. They will be comfortable with the process  growing  with their new freedoms as you  re-assess and make new plans as they get older. This is a win/win for everyone.

In order to give you the best information, I am sharing a great article written for parents about the benefits of making a Behavior Contract. Enjoy

My Highest and Best,

Elaine

Keeping Teenagers Accountable: The Home Behavior Contract

written by : Shannon du Plessis from the Yahoo Contributer Network

To help your son or daughter navigate the waters from teenager toward young adult you’ll need a compass marked with clearly stated responsibilities and rules and there corresponding rewards and consequences. It doesn’t get any clearer than a written behavior contract. That may seem a little Type-A, but it sure saves time and reduces arguments when everyone in your household knows the expectations and consequences.

The success of using a teenager behavior contract begins with your relationship with your teenager. If you don’t have a close relationship with your child then imposing rules without the foundation of a good relationship can lead to rebellion. However, if you do have a solid foundation, a home contract can be very helpful.

The primary purpose of a behavior contract is to hold your teenagers accountable for their behavior while allow you to maintain a reasonable amount of control. The contract is a basic agreement and is not meant to resolve issues of feelings and emotions.

Setting Rules, Consequences, and Privileges

A contract should include the following:

1. Define the rule for expected behavior

2. Define the consequence

3. Define the privilege

For example:

Rule: Teen should be home immediately after school except if prior arrangements are made with parents. Prior means the day before at the latest – no same day plans. If teen is out on approved prior plans, teen

must be home by 8:00 pm on school nights and 11:00 pm on non-school nights.

Consequence: For the next week, teen must come home twice as early as he or she was late. If teen was 30 minutes late, then curfew is an hour earlier for the next week.

Privilege: Teen will maintain current curfew or be allowed to work up to a later curfew.

Your teenager may believe that iPods, computers, TV time, time with friends, and the like are rights. They are not – they are privileges that can be lost and restored based on behavior. Appropriate behavior keeps the privileges in place; inappropriate behavior means the loss of privileges.

Privileges and consequences should be natural and logical. When possible, set a consequence that relates to the behavior. For example, if your teen must be off the phone by 9:30 pm and is not, then your teen loses phone privileges for a day.

You may also want to stage consequences. For example, if your teen does not use the cell phone according to your rules, then you might issue the following consequences:

First occurrence – loss of 1 ½ hours of cell phone time the next evening.

Second occurrence – loss of cell phone for the following day.

Third occurrence – complete loss of cell phone privileges until respect is shown, an apology made, and the teen writes down how he or she will comply with the rule. Then the teen can start with reduced cell phone time and earn his or her way back up to full use.

Before you look at the sample teenager behavior contract, you’ll want to remind yourself of what teens care about so you can set appropriate consequences.

Top 10 Things Teenagers Care About

(in no particular order)

Money

Phone

Clothing

Cars

Trust

Appearance

Freedom

Time spent with them

Material Objects – iPods, digital cameras, and the like

Computer time – online social networks such as MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter

Does your teen care about something else? Please add it to the list. Armed with your “what my child cares about” list, you can now look at a basic teenager behavior contract and customize it to work for you and your teenager.

Ideas for Rewards

Earn extra computer time

Rent a movie over the weeken

Choose dinner

Have a friend ove

Stay out an extra 30 minutes

Earn extra TV time

Extra Comuter time for Social Media

Ideas for Consequences- reemember to make the consequence fit the action

Loss of computer use

Loss of cell phone

Extra chores

Earlier curfew

Loss of TV

Apology letter with specific plan for improved behavior

The most important ingredient in making a plan is crafting it to YOUR families needs!!

PERSONAL REPSONSIBILITY

Keep room neat and clean. Be specific-Make bed every morning, I want to see your bedroom floor, etc

Tidy up bathroom after use. Be specific- i.e. pick up wet towels, clean the sink

Help with household chores without arguing

Take care of own clothes washing and putting away

Pick up after yourself

Be respectful of other people’s property – ask before using

Be respectful of privacy – all family members knock and wait for permission to enter room

No drugs or alcohol

GOING OUT

Get permission from parents before going out

Need special permission for special events

Non-school nights/weekends

Be home before 11:00 pm

Do not call asking to stay out later – must get special permission in advance

When leaving the house teen must tell parents:

1. Where he or she will be

2. Who he or she will be with

3. He or she understands that a change of plans means a phone call to parents

4. He or she understands the curfew

Select curfews that are age approriate for school and weekend nights

HOUSE RULES

Overnight guests need advance approval (advance does not mean an hour before teen wanta a friend to stay).

Advance approval needed to stay at a friend’s house overnight.

No boys in girls’ rooms/no girls in boys’ rooms

If teen takes the last of anything, please write it on the shopping list.

FAMILY

Two nights a week – everyone is home.

Mandatory attendance at one family outing per month

Meals are eaten in the kitchen/dining room – no iPods, texting, or TV during meals.

SCHOOL

Attendance is mandatory

No excuse for tardiness

Homework is not optional – must be complete and turned in on time.

Must maintain a C average or better.

ALLOWANCE

Paid at the end of the week

Agreed rate is: __________

Extra money can be earned for: ____________________

OTHER AREAS

Include agreements about driving

Cell phone and computer use

Job

Any medications

Allowed and disallowed friends

Dating rules

Using the Home Behavior Contract

Once the behavior contract is complete, parents and the teen sign and date it and everyone gets a copy. By signing the contract, your teen has agreed to be accountable for his or her behavior. You may need to do some fine-tuning over time as life happens and you perhaps need to add behaviors or be more specific about expectations.

The purpose of Your Parent Partner

This website provides you incredible FREE information. Why? Because the key to enhanced parenting style is HOW YOU implement this information! HOW are you going to make these steps fit into your life? If you do not practice what you have learned, why read the articles? In order to create positive behavior changes that will enhance your parenting style enroll in a Your Parent Partner coaching session today!!

As YOUR Parent Partner, I send my highest and best on your parenting journey!

Tips for Using Behavior Contracts :

Information from this is credited to:

www.teenbehavioralcontracts.com

www.parentcontracts.com

• Consider purchasing pre-written contracts if needed

• Both are under $20 and are well worth the investment . You can use their guidelines in making your own personal family contracts.

Parents that enforce behavior contracts are likely to notice in a change in the way their children behave.

Negative behaviors become a thing of the past as positive and compliant behaviors become the new standard. No longer will parents need to give consequences “on the fly” because the behavior contract already spells out the consequences that will result when their children act out.

Behavior Contracts for Teens will help bring structure, consistency, and fairness to your parenting practices and with these elements in place, you’re certain to establish a more successful and harmonious relationship with your teen.

When setting up a behavior contract, parents should explain what the contract is and why it is important. Be very clear about the rules and the behaviors expected from the teen, and be sure that you can live with the consequences (i.e. if the teen cannot drive if rules are broken, are you able to change your schedule to take him or her where he or she needs to go?). Have a trial period, perhaps one month, to try out the behavior contract, then reevaluate it with the teen to see if it seems to be working. Always praise the teen for any improvements in his or her behavior.

In crafting a behavior contract that is specific to your family, use these  tips, guidelines and strategies from both websites:

1. They must be fair to both parties.

2. They must be specific (rather than vague).

3. They must be enforceable.

4. There must be consideration (rewards for success and consequences for failure).

5. They must be enforced. If you don’t enforce it, it won’t work.

6. A clear description of the good behavior expected from the teen

7. What the adults involved are expected to do

8. Be sure to keep a back-up copy of the contract in case one is needed.

9. Avoid being too rigid or strict with regards to enforcing the contract, allow for success.

Some areas that may be covered by teen behavior contracts include:

• Performance or behavior at school
• Behavior at home, including treatment of other family members, language, or doing chores
• Curfews
• Driving privileges
• Dating
• Clothing, tattoos, piercings, and other appearance issues
• Cell phone use or bill payment
• Avoiding drugs and alcohol
• Extracurricular activities or how free time is spent

Consequences could include one or more of the following:

Consequences of breaking the conditions of the behavior contract should be clearly stated in the contract, and should be appropriate to the situation. Parents must be consistent in enforcing consequences or behavior contracts are ineffective. Consequences could include one or more of the following:

• No driving
• No dating or free time with friends
• No cell phone or phone privileges
• No television or computer
• Loss of allowance
• Writing an apology
• Writing a report about the rule that was broken and why it is important

Other Behavior Contracts Sources:

National Education Association, Classroom Management, Behavior Contracts (online)

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, “Stop Bullying Now,” Involvement of Law Enforcement Officers in Bullying Protection [online]

National Library of Medicine, Health Services/Technology Assessment Text, “Behavioral Contracts in a Treatment Program for People Who Are Deaf” [online]

The purpose of Your Parent Partner

This website provides you incredible FREE information. Why? Because the key to enhanced parenting style is HOW YOU implement this information! HOW are you going to make these steps fit into your life? If you do not practice what you have learned, why read the articles? In order to create positive behavior changes that will enhance your parenting style enroll in a Your Parent Partner coaching session today!!

Victim to Victorious

Nina Guilbeau author

Introduction by: Elaine Gaither

This article focuses on the victim and gives tips on how to react to the bully. It is centered on sibling bullying, but can be applied to school bullying as well. Often times, the victim is fearful of physical threats and not being listened to by adults. Children do learn by example and even though it may be difficult for some parents, an honest assessment of their home environment is necessary.

Victims can experience:

•depression •psychosomatic symptoms •social withdrawal •school refusal, school absenteeism •poor academic performance •physical health complaints •running away from home •alcohol and drug use •suicide. This can be serious if not nipped in the bud!!

I am also attaching (2) YOUTUBE videos:

One from President Obama. No matter what your politics are, this message is from the top. It is worth viewing!

You may need to cut and paste into your URL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geyAFbSDPVk

One from managing Bully a website dedicated to helping the victim protect himself/herself.

http://verbaldefense.com/blog/

Click on: Verbal Judo for Bullying on TV

and

Have an Anti-Bullying Strategy Before Taking Action

Elaine

Victim to Victoriuos

Parents with more than one child are usually aware of what is often referred to as sibling rivalry. This is the ongoing competition and conflict between brothers and sisters. However, what if you suddenly realized that there was something going on beyond the sibling teasing and disagreements? What if it is something much uglier and more difficult to deal with as a family? What if you discovered that you have both a child that is being bullied and their bully living under the same roof?

Bullying is the act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally inflict harm on others.

Verbal harassment, physical assault, and through other more subtle methods of coercion such as manipulation (this includes cyber-bullying).

Immediately, your attention turns to the victim, as well it should. There are long term harmful effects of being bullied. It’s important that the sibling being bullied is taught how to respond. Implementing what is known as the Talk, Walk and Squawk rule in your household can be effective, especially in empowering younger children who are being bullied. This rule, which has been used in many schools and organizations which focuses on children, teaches the bullied child to:

Talk, Walk & Squawk

Talk – The child being bullied should be taught to use words of empowerment to their siblings such as “stop” and “I’m not afraid of you.”

Walk- The bullied child should then walk away from the scene.

Squawk – Tell a parent or a trusted adult about the incident. It’s important to make sure they know this is not “tattling” but a way to work on a solution to their problem. Bullying is not something that should be kept secret.

Countering bullying the behavior includes:

• Making sure each child knows the household or school rules – There should not be any hitting or name calling allowed.

• Making sure each child adheres to the rules – There must be clear consequences when breaking the rules and you must be consistent in your enforcement of these consequences.

• Help each child learn skills for handling their emotions – They may not understand or know a better way to express their disappointment, hurt or anger.

As far as identifying the reasons for sibling bullying, here are a few questions that may help in that process:

• Does the bullying sibling focus on only one child?

This may be sibling rivalry gone awry and it could have more to do with you (getting your attention) than with the child he/she bullies.

• Has your child had any major lifestyle changes such as moving to a new neighborhood/school, death of close relative, parental divorce or remarriage?

Your child may be acting out his frustration and difficulty dealing with their emotions on anyone they can.

• Have your child’s circle of friends changed? Any new friend in the picture?

To get more information about bullying, see other atricles on this website under “Parenting Tips”

“Get to know the Bully”

“Bullying in the Home”

“Bullying: 10 Facts You Want to Know”

“Civil Reasoning vs. Sibling Rivalry”

The purpose of Your Parent Partner

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