Millennial Generation: Let’s Talk About SEX

I want to talk about S.E.X.

Let's talk about sex

Some of you might already be squirming at the thought of bringing up this subject. And, In the first newsletter in this series I said the Millennial generation has declined in this area. Why not just let sleeping dogs lie? Because, the teens that talk to their parents about sex have decreased chances of engaging in sex. And, want to be one of those parents that your teen talks too!

Why not let the school handle it ?

Don’t the teachers in gym and health class cover this topic? Yes, and, they do a great job. Also, most of the 6th graders in Indianapolis get to go to the Ruth Lilly Center for a graphic presentation too. Great!! But wait, there is much more to sex than anatomy. There is the whole issue of sexuality. Meaningful relationships, love, infatuation, communication and respect are learned in the home. It is a good idea to check in to see what your teen knows. They will say, “Oh Mom/Dad, I know everything.” Your response is: “Great, I have some time, tell me what you know”. This is a crucial opportunity to share your ideas about values, morals, beliefs, and about what sexuality means.

Here are 10 tips for “Having the Talk”

• Get comfortable
• Be Educated, if you don’t know an answer, say so and find resources
• Be Motivated
• Make it an ongoing conversation- be available, talk when they want to and need it
• Be relaxed and not rushed- make it private and respectful
• Try not to cover too much at once- don’t be overwhelming
• Be open and non judgmental, remember your teen may be uncomfortable too
• Talk about sexuality, not just sex- share your values and beliefs
• Talk about dating, relationships and treating others with respect
• Know what is normal for teens today- openly discuss options without preaching
• Remember how your parents talked to you about sex and how you felt
• Talk about healthy boundaries and not just following the crowd
• Be supportive- let your teen know that you back up their decisions
• Talk about communicating with their boyfriend/girlfriend about their feelings
• Talk about being honest in all relationships
• Make sure your teen has information about birth control
• Talk about STD’s
• Get to know your teens friends ( and boy/girl friends)

Try Not to:

• Get angry or put down boy/girl friends- instead,have them over for a family function, get to know them better
• Make fun of your teens romantic crushes or infatuation- remember what you were like at that same age. (their love is real)
• Assume that your teen will not engage in sexual activity

By and large, from my experience, the Millennials “hang out” with groups of friends. It is more the exception than the rule that they pair off. They do not seem to engage in intercourse as much, they are more educated, and know their options. However, they do ( and this might be an overgeneralization), seem to engage in oral sex as an alternative to intercourse. In this instance, STD’s are a very important topic to bring up. And, don’t forget, your son/daughter will probably not come home and say, “WOW, I just had sex, and it was great!” That is something they will hold close to their vest, be private about and maybe even lie about. How do you know what is happening? You don’t, but at least after you have this conversation, you will be confident that your son/daughter has the right information and support from you.

If you feel uncomfortable bringing up SEX with your teen, make me the bad guy (gal)-tell them that I encouraged you to “have THE talk”!!